The Rebellion

I thought the following story came from Sun Tzu but I couldn't find the original. This is a highly paraphrased version.
Do Now, Ask Later
The emperor sent his army west to put down a rebellion in one of the distant provinces. As the army began to march, the general stayed behind to finish consultations and intelligence gathering. The army made its first camp next to a river, giving them protection on one side. They pitched tents, dug trenches and threw up protective earthworks. When they had at last finished, in the middle of the night, they posted watch and the rest the army went to sleep. Shortly after this, the general arrived and told his lieutenants, "Wake the men and move this camp to a spot about one mile north of here. The scouts will show you the position I have chosen." The lieutenants clamored thus, "But the men are very tired. Sun Tzu says that an army must be well rested. The northern site, while on a hilltop, is not as defensible as this site. Can we not wait until morning to move and select a more suitable camp in daylight?" The general glowered at his lieutenants and ordered that they comply immediately.

Before noon the next day, the lieutenants gathered and proposed that they confront the general about his decision. They found him well rested and having breakfast. "General," they complained, "we have moved to a site that is less protected and the men are now exhausted. Should we be attacked, things will not go well. Why did you order the camp moved?" The general did not speak but allowed the lieutenants to stand silently and at attention while he finished his breakfast. When he was finished, he mounted his horse and bid the lieutenants to follow. He led them back to the previous campsite. They stared in surprise at the lake that had formed; the only indication of their camp being the very top of the earthworks just barely visible above the water. "Had you not ordered the camp moved, we would surely have been decimated by this flood. How did you know that this would happen? By what kind of sorcery?" the lieutenants asked.

The general stared at them all and answered angrily, "I am the general, I have information and intelligence that you do not possess. Because I am the general, not an army, I travel by different roads to arrive at the same place. It is not important how I came to possess the knowledge that this camp would be inundated by the river. What is important that when I give an order, I expect it to be obeyed. For mine is not to answer questions of ignorant lieutenants but to command an army. Tomorrow, in battle, do you wish to pause while I explain my tactics to your full understanding? Do you think our enemies will oblige? Or will you obey without question, living long enough to learn my reasoning, strategy and tactics by observation?"

Wisely, his lieutenants did not reply but rode back to the camp in silence.

My children have heard this story many times and from a very early age (4). The moral has been explained and they understand. Over time, explaining what is expected, then holding them to consequences when expectations are not met, teaches them that you are wise and they should be responsible for their own actions. When my kids are running directly toward eminent danger, all that is required to bring them to a skidding halt is for me to shout "Stop!" By long training and observation, they have learned the consequences of disregarding my sage advice. Sometimes I supply the consequences (i.e. low grades equals no time to spare for internet activities so Dadman takes away bandwidth). Sometimes the consequences supply themselves. Last weekend both boys went to an amusement park. I offered a strap for retaining spectacles to both. Water Dog put his on immediately. Hilltopper left his on the dining room table. It is not Icy that is paying for the lost gla$$es.

The Ulcer's Grip

I had a follow-up endoscopy today and all results are normal. No more ulcers. The GI doc did report noticeable inflammation and wants me to stop taking all the pain meds. Sure thing doc, in about a week, thank you. He asked how surgery went and wanted to know what stage they put the tumor in. I asked him to speak english. He said "What stage cancer?" Oh, no stage, doc, all benign, over and out, thanks for playing. C-YA. Sorry, short post today 'cause I'm still kinda loopy from being out cold.

Tommorrow, due to popular demand, how to have a party full of teenagers without trouble.

My Son's Tedium

Last night my oldest son had his first Big Party. He is a sophomore in high school. He has been planning this for two weeks and I must say he brought it off wonderfully. Mrs. Icy and I would have normally been big pests and done loads for him (that he didn't want done) but luck prevailed. Mrs. Icy had another gathering to attend and I am too floored up to render assistance. Hilltopper did all the setup from stacking the bonfire to setting up the PA system outside. Well done. As it was I sat in the game room and watched college football, occasionally surfacing to assure myself that everything remained under control.

There were about 50 kids at one time and probably 75 cycled through the place. A rather nice crowd and incredibly polite. We live off a main road so everyone had to park in the yard and nobody trashed it. The party was from 6 to 11 and they played kickball from 7 to 8:30 and then lit the bonfire. After hotdogs, s'mores, and glowstick jewelery they played Red Rover from 9 to 10:30. I couldn't believe it. But then again they all get to stand in a line and hold hands so maybe it's not so farfetched. I was pleasantly suprised that there didn't seem to be any drinking, smoking or drugs. I'm not totally naive but I am an old hand and I know what I'm looking for behaviour-wise. I did notice that there were 3 or 4 couples that seemed satisfied to cuddle up together on a lawn chair (I remember when we were that size) and gaze into the fire.

Mrs. Icy dropped by a couple of times and had to be removed for mingling too closely with the partygoers. Her comment was "They are a bunch of great kids. They just need a place to hang out." Yep. We've still got 3 years to go.

The Surface Tension of Snow

Back in the 80s, my college clique would go to the Rocky Mountains on Spring Break in order to ski and drink. We liked to stay in Summit County, Colorado, home of the highest freshwater lake in North America, Lake Dillon, and also the Dam Brewery. But this story is not about lakes and alcohol consumption but actually the puddles that result.

I was skiing on Copper Mountain with the aforementioned Nutty. It was the first run of the morning and we were slowly making our way up the mountain via a series of lifts. We finally reached the top of the mountain. Nutty wanted to ski a rather flat trail that went across the side of the mountain so as to reach some "tree skiing". Tree skiing is where you go off the nice, wide groomed trails and ski through the woods where the snow is very deep and powdery and there are obstacles, like trees, that make things a little more exciting. It's not for the faint of heart but the snow is usually untouched and you can choose certain areas that make things a little less dangerous. For example, we were skiing on this rather flat cross trail. About a quarter mile below us was a medium difficulty groomed trail. Separating trail from trail was a rather sparse copse of Aspens and evergreens of some sort. We were about 10,000 feet above sea level and just slightly below the treeline.

We reached a good spot to make a sharp left and see if we could ski down to the lower trail without a)falling down or b)hitting an immovable object. Nutty jumped off first and I followed. Now, what makes tree skiing such fun is that you have two diametrically opposed goals that you try to balance. First, you need to keep up a good bit of speed so that you can actually ski in the deep snow which makes it much more difficult to achieve the second goal: don't run into a tree. So I was somewhat surprised to see Nutty pull up short next to a 6' pine tree and stop. I stopped, too, but on a bit steeper spot and just uphill from an aspen tree so that I had something to support me. I asked Nutty why in the hell he had stopped but he did not answer just started pulling off his gloves. When I asked in a little louder and more perturbed tone, he mumbled something about having to pee.

I heard the unmistakable click of ski bindings coming undone and just had time to scream "DON'T" when Nutty stepped off of his skis and disappeared. When you are standing on 5 feet of ski, it is easy to forget that the surface tension of snow is rather low and may not support you when you are standing on 12" of ski boot. Especially if you have been stepping off of your skis onto groomed and packed snow all week with no ill effects. Unfortunately, Nutty had just stepped off his skis into approximately 15 feet of powdery snowy goodness. And fallen straight down. I couldn't even see the top of his head. I began to chuckle as Nutty's notoriously shy bladder had now got him into a world of hurt on top of a mountain. I was also wondering, if he couldn't pee standing on his skis, how he was going to manage at the bottom of a snow hole. It was also going to be quite impossible for me to assist, since there was no chance in hell that I could make a turn in snow this deep and manage to come up next to this snow hole without falling in as well.

"It appears that the snow is deeper than it looks!" I yelled at Nutty. "No shit, Sherlock," came the reply, "Come down here and help me." "Not a chance," said I, "you dug yourself into that hole, now dig yourself out." After a couple more questions from me and some harsh language eminating from the snow hole, I also determined that Nutty no longer felt the urge to empty his bladder. "What the hell am I supposed to do?" Nutty wondered. I suggested that he use the not 6 foot but actually more like 20 foot pine tree and climb out of the hole. Which I suppose is quite easily said from your perch atop skis 20 feet uphill but more difficult in practice when one is at the bottom of a snow hole and wearing ski boots. Now that I mention it, I don't think I have ever climbed a tree in ski boots. It seems that would be almost impossible but after about 30 minutes Nutty managed to accomplish the task.

When Nutty had managed to climb to the top of the tree, I began to laugh uproariously as the tree began to bend over and look for all the world as if it would deposit Nutty right back into the snow hole. Fortunately, the surface tension of snow is great enough to support a Nutty if he has the spreading boughs of an evergreen under him. Also, he had managed to come to a stop within reaching distance of his skis and poles. After another 30 minutes of mucking about at the top of a pine tree in 20 foot snow, Nutty managed to reattach himself to his kit and off we went.

More valuable lessons learned from the Nutty clan: think before you step and as Mom always said, "Everybody pee before we go!"

P.S. Midnight to 8:3o AM sleepfest!!!

My Sleeplessness

I slept from 10:00 PM until 5:30 AM!!! This might not seem blogworthy but try getting 3 to 4 hours sleep per night for a few weeks running and you'll throw a party when you finally sleep again.

The Fun Barrier

For example, this is what I did with my youngest son, Water Dog, the weekend before I had surgery. We are the two up front, of course.

Your Daily Grind

I had a roommate (Nutty) in the dormitory my freshman year of college. We were both in Engineering School and his father already possessed an Engineering Degree. One day, Nutty received a correspondence from his father. It was addressed to both of us. It was a single sheet of paper with an obituary taped to it. The obituary was for Tank, one of Nutty's best friends in high school. Tank had gone into the military and had ended up in southern California. Whilst on leave in Tijuana, Tank partied up and at 3AM stepped in front of a bus and was killed instantly.

We sat in silence for some time which was rather unusual for Nutty and me. I think that we were both pondering the number of times in the previous months that we had been plastered enough to fail to see a bus. Finally, Nutty read the inscription that his father had added underneath the obituary.

"Boys,
Today is the first day of the rest of your life. Or it could be the last. Live accordingly.
Love,
Nutty's Dad"

I learned that lesson intellectually way back then and, for the most part, taken it to heart. In the past few months, this bit of knowledge has deepened into wisdom of the sort that can only be described as emotional or even spiritual. There's more on this, oh, so much more.