My Ascending Colon

I wasn't going to write this but some of my friends found a slightly altered version of this to be amusing.

I AM FINE!!! I managed to get discharged from Surgery Ward at 8:20AM (yes, AM) today. All of the biopsies so far are benign. Anything negative at this point would be due to very advanced genetic tumor testing.

Surgery was originally scheduled for 2PM on the 11th but was pushed back to 3PM as of the 10th only to be returned to 2PM at about 9AM on the 11th. I did not care as I had been starving for 2 days. Surgery went well and there were no complications. Mrs. Icy was with me until late on the 11th. On Friday the 12th, I ate a clear liquid breakfast, lunch and dinner. On Saturday, I wanted to die. Things were not processing through and after THREE attempts, the staff managed to run an NG tube up my nose and down my throat to my stomach. And here you thought that USC kicking the crap out of State was the worst thing that could happen on Saturday Night.

We spent two days, Saturday and Sunday, waiting for all of the stomach contacts to either get suctioned out or start processing the other way (and not eating ANYTHING). Mrs. Icy spent Saturday night with me as I had two roommates arrive at about midnight (a guy AND his girlfriend). Mrs. Icy stayed Sunday night as well because the hospital had pity on me and left me alone on Sunday Night.

My surgeon has a gift for asking questions whose answers are both quick and positive. For example, on Monday morning at 6:30 AM while I am trying to wash oily tape strands off of my nose:
Q: Are you hungry?
A: Yes.
Q: Would you like to eat today?
A: YES.
Q: Would you like that tube out of your nose?
A: YES!
Q: Quickly?
A: YES!!! QUICK!!!
Q: Can you hold these paper towels?
A: ARRGGRRGLLLLGRRRLLLGRLLLUFT!

After that, I had 3 meals of clear liquids, expelled everything necessary and by the appropriate routes and managed to keep my temperature below 99.6 for vital signs readings at 10PM, 2AM and 6 AM Monday night and Tuesday Morning.

And at 6:00AM this morning, whilst I am washing off the duck butter via sponge bath:
Q: Do you want to go home this morning?
A: YES!!!!
Q: Are you going to quit screwing around in there and come out and talk to me?
A: Yes. Just let me put my socks on, the floors in this hospital have stuff on them.

Plain Cheerios and milk for breakfast have never tasted so good.

Anyway, I am on the road to recovery. I am good to be off at work until October 23. I have finished up the Christian Ministry Classes and am going to start studying once I come down off the pain meds enough to stop seeing double. Stop by and visit if you want but please don't feel put off if I wander off mid-sentence. I am experiencing a certain lack of focus on anything that doesn't emit bowel sounds.

Thanks again,
Icy